little plastic baggies

little plastic baggies- with little zip-lock closures. the bags can't hold much at all- they are maybe an inch by an inch. some are smaller. they come in all sorts of colors- clear, yellow, pink, blue. they can be found in pretty much all the places i went today. in the park where we take the 2, 3, 4, and 5 year olds from the local headstart program to play every day. they litter the ground of that neighborhood park- give me 2 minutes and i can pick up twenty of them for you. i also found them hanging around the large city park we ate lunch in- right across the street from a community center and headstart program. and then i went down to Englewood to help clean up a neighborhood center for kids- you know- afterschool programs and such. we were cleaning up the front of the neighborhood center and found more plastic baggies, and empty 40's of beer, and little liquor bottles, and a whole lotta broken glass. you know what kids at the Englewood neighborhood center like to do? they like to tumble. these kids have nothing to do but teach themselves how to back-flip. so all these little 5, 6, and 7 year old shorties are outside the neighborhood center doing standing backflips and aerials and tumbling runs. they don't have mats, they don't have instructors- they just have that patch of grass between the sidewalk and the road in front of their neighborhood center- that's their gymnasium- and they teach each other. these kids have determination- they just flip and flip and flip until they get it right. they are out there on that hard grass falling flat on their backs or heads trying to land that perfect standing back-flip.

the grass they're tumbling in is littered in those little plastic baggies for crack and broken glass...

The community center in Englewood is called Will Feed. It's nothing more than an old old warehouse-looking building that's been cleaned up a little bit, but it's become one of the few safe-havens in the Englewood community for kids. Will Feed competes against drugs and gangs with an old warehouse-ish room, extremely limited funding, and two over-worked yet passionate activist christian women. They don't have enough volunteers, support, or money. The two other neighborhood centers for kids in Englewood are going to be shut down soon because of government cuts in funding and the lack of private donations to make up for it. Will Feed is looking at a $15,000 cut in their budget, which is already barely enough to keep the two women employed.

--> In 1991 the Englewood neighborhood had 81 gang-related shootings in 10 months.

--> I talked to a 13 year old boy today who told me he didn't mess with drugs or gangs. He's like, "I don't buy that stuff (pointing to a little plastic baggie), I just buy condoms." I don't doubt him for one second. This 13 year old kid dressed pimp and rapped to the ladies about gettin their numbers. I don't doubt for one second that that kid is already chasing down girls- how long until he's a dad?

WHAT THE HECK?

I know Jesus is there- I see Jesus there- I see the HOPE.
but where are the Christians? Where are the Christian volunteers to help those two ladies working at Will Feed? Where are the Christians to donate used furniture and appliances so the kids that come to hang out at Will Feed have more than old cafeteria chairs to hang around on? Where are the Christians to donate the money to keep the other Englewood community centers open? Where are the Christians to open drug treatment centers in the neighborhood? Where are the Christians to come and hang out with the kids and make them feel loved and accepted so they don't need to go on and join a gang or deal drugs later?

and where I am, my servants also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. ~John 12:26

For all who read this- please comment or e-mail me at mfkreitzer@wisc.edu with comments. It's hard to keep writing if I don't think anyone is reading.

Peace/Love/andJESUS

Lake Forest

My group this week is about 45 junior high students from Lake Forest Illinois. They are all going into 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. Now if you know me, you'd know I love love love middle school students, so I'm super excited for this group. So far this summer all of my groups have been a mix of high school and junior high, and it just isn't the same as having all crazy junior high students.

The group this week comes from Lake Forest, IL, which is about 30 miles north of the city of Chicago. Lake Forest is one of the richest cities in the country, and the richest city in the Chicagoland area. Just take a look at the stats for the city:


Median household income 136,462
Median household income in Illinios 46,590
Median household income in US 41,994

PER CAPITA INCOME BY RACE OR ETHNICITY ($)
Per capita income 77,092
White 78,979
Black or African American 56,357
Asian 54,345
Native Hawaiian and Pacific islander 90,000
Hispanic or Latino 13,158

Just take a look at that median household income- especially compared to the average in Il and the US. This kids come from lives of privledge and opportunity and security. My prayer is that God will give them a heart for ministry or missions so they can use that privledge, opportunity, and wealth to help those in need. These students have so so so much potential- I hope this week serving in Chicago helps open their eyes to where they may be needed and makes them thankful for how well they are living now.

worship

I've been kinda frustrated by group musical-worship lately. Every Thursday night it is worship night here for all the student church-groups that come in. For the first time all week, all of the students (close to 200 of them) and our city hosts (all 14 of us) and our directors (only 3!) get together. We have this GREAT authentic taco bar outside in the lawn and then go into an auditorium and have some praise-and-worship time. Four of the city hosts pull out there instruments and form a little praise-and-worship band and we got the overhead projector going and everything. The four of them sound great together do an excellent job every week. After singing like 5 or 6 songs together we have an urban speaker (thankfully for the staff, it is someone new each week) that discusses some aspect of urban ministry or urban life. It is amazing to see the student's reactions to some of the heavy stuff we talk about. Most students that come in to Chicago on CSM trips are so sheltered to the social justice issues of this world- it's pretty sickening.

But the thing that gets me is our time of musical worship. Honestly, I don't know how much I like it. Every week I spend time with great great great students who I love, but I hear these students making fun of each other, and I hear them complaining about eating PB&J every day for lunch while sitting in the middle of the projects, and I see them struggling to pay attention during a 2 minute prayer, and I see them in front of the mirror at every chance working on their makeup or hair. They complain about showers being too short after working with men on the street who can't shower anywhere. They talk about wanting free time to go shopping after serving at a soup kitchen to people who carry all they have in a few plastic bags. They talk about sports camps they want to go to after playing with kids from the shelter that only have a small fenced-off area on a roof-top to call a playground.

And then Thursday nights roll around and I see these students still and silent for once, and they are singing with all they have, and they are raising their hands to the Lord in praise... and all that can enter my judgmental mind is "is their worship really for real?"

And I know that my worship isn't always for real, and I know I fall so so so short of praising God's name in everything I do, so I know I need to reject those judgments I keep making of students, because God alone really knows their hearts while they worship. But the whole experience has taught me something--- since I have seen worship that seems so out of place and unnatural for these students to be doing (in my judgmental eye) I have come to realize just how important it is that worship is not a song but a LIFESTYLE.

I now know, more than ever, that worship needs to be continual. And if I am singing or dancing or working or even shoveling rocks in the projects, I must be worshiping. My worship must be CONTINUAL and cannot be stuck in a time slot of 5 or 6 songs. I have realized that I must worship in everything I do, so that worshiping in song is just a natural continuation of the worship I've been doing all day, in serving and talking and loving... There must not be a change in who I am and how I act between selected time slots of worship and every other hour of the day. I pray that worshiping God becomes one of the most natural things I do- something so innate it is like breathing to me.

On fire

For the Lord that is!

Wow, I have a feelin' this is gonna be a long one, so sit tight and read on my friends.

First off, I have a whole whole lot to be thankful for right now in my life. Amen? Amen! So when I first met Jesus I just couldn't stop singing about Him- bus stops, on the way to class, in the shower (especially loud then), while I made lunch- you get the picture. And for a while I stopped singing all the time. Of course I would get some of my favorite gospel songs stuck in my head and a little bit of those would be sung from time to time, but it just wasn't the same. Well believe it or not, that has recently changed again! Since I've been here in Chicago I have been so thankful and go through my day simply REJOICING in the good God I serve, and now I can't help singing about j e s u s :). All day long, I have some song stuck in my head and it's just so good so sing it out, praisin' him day and night!

Second, I am starting to find out more and more about myself. Believe it or not, I really really enjoy listening to people and LOVE asking questions. Beware, I'm starting to come up with some good ones I may be asking ya'll soon. (Sorry, one of my co-hosts this week is from Arkansas, so I'm picking up the ya'll)

Third, I am LIVING IN CHICAGO when I grow up. I love love love madison, but I am actually sad I am going back there in the fall. I want to stay here in this city, but I know it will be ready for me when I graduate.

Fourth- this week is amazing! The past two weeks the church groups I have lead have been working at Headstart programs in Chicago every morning, but this week our big project is actually in the projects. We are working at Altgeld Gardens, a project of the Chicago Housing Authority down on 131st street (so 131 blocks south of the Grant Park/Sears Tower/MI Ave area you may all know). That is way way far south. We are working with Rev. Kirk Bell, a man who grew up in the Stateway Gardens housing projects in Chicago and found Jesus while in a gang. This man has an AMAZING testimony, but even more so, and amazing heart for the people of Chicago. He works in the projects and all over the city boldly preachin' it like it is! Anyways, my group of thirty some 8th graders and my two-co-hosts have been working hard in the projects cleaning up courtyards between houses. We mow, weed-wack, pick up garbage, rake, pull weeds, and sweep for hours every day out in the sun and 80+ degree weather, and to be completely honest with you, I am loving every minute of it. I am sweaty and dirty and thirsty and pretty ugly looking (i'll keep being honest with you) but I am loving it! A whole bunch of kids (ages 4-10ish) come out of their apartments and HELP US CLEAN UP! These little 5 year old shorties will be shoveling dirt and sweeping and raking better than my 8th grade group, and they do it just because. I am in love with every single one of these little kids! I wish I could put some pictures up for you all- maybe in the future.

I actually want to live in the projects. Now I'm betting you all think I'm just being naive in saying that, but I have actually been to them and seen them and been in them and talked to people from them, and I still wish I could live in them. I don't know what makes me want to be there so badly, but I do. If you told me I could move in tomorrow, I would.

And with that, I have to run- I have NO free time this week (other than the few minutes it took me to write this)! Maybe I'll catch a break tomorrow.

I am praying you are all so blessed, wherever you are. Let Jesus light your life on fire. Amen? Amen! Amen Amen AAAAAAAAAMEN!

it takes a lot to make me angry

As God has transformed me over my past year and a half with Him I have been slower and slower to anger and get frustrated. Be joyful always, as the bible says. It now takes quite a bit to push me into anger, and I hate being angry. It just doesn't work for me.

But I'm angry. Ok, so maybe not angry but at least disappointed and frustrated. I love love love the group of kids and leaders that I am leading this week but hate hate hate some of their stereotypes and ignorance. HATE IT. I can't even think about some of the things they have said or done without wanting to kick something.

How are we living as Christians if we are raising our sons and daughters to hate others? Or at least stereotype them? YUCK YUCK YUCK. My group drove through the North Halstead neighborhood yesterday in Chicago. The neighborhood is also known as "Boystown" and is the center of the gay male community of Chicago. We ended up going through the neighborhood because I missed a turn while directing my group, and I know God had the little detour in mind. Once they noticed the abundance of rainbow flags, I explained the demographics of the area a bit, and in return I heard "ewwwwwwwwww" and "that's disgusting" and pointing and laughing and "haha, that sure is a funny looking gay couple" and "do they always live all together like this?". I ALMOST SCREAMED.

I'm sorry, but I love gay people, and I could not STAND the things they were saying about them, and without any hesitation and reserve. They somehow think it is FINE to think gay people are disgusting. They are missing the point- gay people are still PEOPLE and God LOVES THEM SO SO SO MUCH. And so as soon as the disgust began to be shared, I began to swell with anger. I didn't know what to do! Stay silent? Explain to them why God doesn't call them to hate gay people? Explode in anger? Preach it to 'em?

And I talked to the rest of my group's co-hosts (there are 4 of us altogether) and they ran into the same thing, except with homeless and blacks and other groups. Stereotypes are flying rampant in our group and we are helpless to stop them! We decided to end our night with a discussion of stereotypes. We had them list all the groups they have met so far this trip and then had them list words they think of when they hear that group name. Of course stereotypes flowed from their young mouths. The discussion countinued, and then the real jab came when we asked, "can stereotypes ever be good?" and two adult leaders of the group answered "yes" and went on to explain why, such as "they can keep you safe and out of danger when you know who to avoid".

For me, stereotypes are NEVER a good thing, even if someone is stereotyped to have a good quality (ex- Asians are very smart). I once again didn't know what to say! Tell them off? Explode? Remain silent?

My anger remains at a steady roar as I hear more comments from people who are just plain ignorant about racial groups and the social injustice that occurs in this City. My heart breaks over and over and over for those beautiful creations of God that go stereotyped by God's sons and daughters each and every day. And my heart breaks for these youth and leaders I am working with this week because I love so much but hate their stereotypes.

LOVE YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS! Therefore accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us, to the glory of God. ~romans15:7

More to come about this, but right now I am to hurt to keep writing about it. Comment and let me know your thoughts.

the projects- probably first of many

The CHA’s Plan for Transformation is a program to rebuild and modernize the nation’s third-largest public housing system. Thanks to a firm commitment from Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley and the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban development, the city’s public housing is undergoing a comprehensive renewal. We are redeveloping or rehabilitating 25,000 apartments for families and senior citizens. We are ending the isolation of public housing residents by creating new mixed-income communities, where people of all economic backgrounds will live as neighbors. We are also instituting major management reforms that will make our administration leaner and more fiscally disciplined.
~ part of a statement from the CEO of the Chicago Housing Authority (aka the CHA)

Sounds good, right? In theory it is. Chicago built all their housing projects (well almost all) as high-rise buildings and filled them with only low-income housing. For you UW-Madison peeps, think about the South-east dorms. It is bad to have isolated communities of only low-income families, so after 50 years, chicago decided it needed to spread mix-ed income units all over the city so that low-income families could blend into neighborhoods like everyone else.

PROBLEM~
As Chicago is tearing down the 25,000 units of low-income family housing, it isn't building any more. For instance, the Stateway Gardens projects used to be 8 high-rise buildings in a row, and now is only 1. Where did the city put all those families in the 7 other huge buildings? NO WHERE! They didn't provide new opportunities for low-income housing for them. So imagine that happen with families living in the projects all over the city. Where would you go???
Better yet, as the city plans on tearing down those 25,000 units, it only has plans right now to re-build 8,000 more units. 8,000 is no where near 25,000.

Does it surprise you that 15,000 people are homeless every night in Chicago???

Oh don't worry, I plan on ranting about this issue more, but for now I have to go.

PRAY PRAY PRAY for these families.

GOD IS FAITHFUL

Oh my LORD! God is faithful faithful FAITHFUL.
Follow His CALL and do his WILL and HE will rain blessings down upon you.

I am done for the week- but I need to share a little miracle from this past semester. I have always struggled with putting too much emphasis on school and grades and not enough on taking care of myself (aka sleep) and doing what I really love. It was always a matter of security- if I did really well in school then I could get scholarships and always guarantee to go where I wanted and get a good job and get into grad school (if I decided I wanted to go). If I didn't get perfect grades then I could no longer define myself as being the "really good student". I could no longer walk around and know my GPA was higher than everyone I met. Kinda sickening, I know. (yuck).

But I found that putting all my time and energy and worry into school was NOT what God was calling me to do. It is hard to explain to others that I thought I should start doing worse in school to follow God's will, but that is pretty much what it came down to. I felt God was calling me to let loose my grip on my GPA and instead hold on tighter to Him and the security He provides for my future. Getting good grades isn't always a good thing- it can be very unhealthy, and in my case, downright sinful.

So this past semester I decided not to worry about it so much. I would right papers right up until they were due and then sprint across campus to turn them in. I would do what I needed, but not a whole lot more. I found a new focus for my life- Jesus. No more stressing about school; I would do my work and then let the grades fall where they may. Don't get me wrong, I didn't slack and skip assignments or try to cut corners, but I did stop giving school my best. My best now went to God, and my time now went to ministry. Instead of doing my homework I'd find myself planning bible studies or spending time planning ministry events. I'd be singing with the gospel choir instead of studying for that midterm or working on 24-7 prayer instead of writing that big research paper. I was doing school as I never did before- it was always on the backburner. I did it, but my ministry obligations came first. It was hard because I knew that by following God's call to let go of that GPA and grab onto Him I had to not only obligate my time but my mind and prayers. I could no longer let worry or stress about school consume me as I did in semesters past, but I had to let my mind flood with prayer and joy for my life.

And in the end, this past semester was the best one I've had since my first semester freshman year. And I didn't care really how my grades turned out.

So here comes the miracle. Now this is NOT a testimony of my ability but of God's provision and faithfulness. This past semester I had more credits, more ministry obligations, and more work hours than ever before, and yet by finally following God's call to focus on ministry, HE WAS FAITHFUL.

God blessed me with a 4.0 out of nowhere. Enough said.

Let go of your reliance on your own efforts and work and all those things you find security in and instead follow God's will, and HE WILL BLESS YOU!
Amen? AMEN!

I'm beaming again. :)

unexpected insight

It is Thursday night and my first group of the summer has been here since Monday around noon and they will leave sometime Saturday morning. That means tomorrow is really my last day with my group. Hannah (another CSM city host) and I have been leading a group of 11 kids from no-wheresvile Ohio and their two adult leaders around my favorite city- CHICAGO! There is one boy in our group who sticks out above all others- Alex. (I changed his name.) Alex is slightly autistic and has spent this week working at Casa Central with a Headstart program. Basically he spent the week playing with 3-5 year olds. It was fun watching him play with the kids, but the best part came tonight in debriefing. Every evening we gather the group together to discuss our day and different topics, like stereotypes or fears or funny stories. We spent tonight outside in the grass under a streetlamp taking about the ways we have been able to share God's love. Alex raised his hand to take a turn and share a story. Now most of the time when Alex raises his hand, everyone gets a little tense because you never know what he is going to say- maybe a comment about the republican party, maybe something about girls, maybe something about war, or in this case about God. When I called on Alex he said that one of his new 4 year old friends was so sad because he was short and thought he was never going to grow any more. So Alex shared God's love by explaining all the ways that being short was a good thing- you could dart under tables and never have to duck under poles or being worried about hitting your head. And then Alex said he wanted to pray that God would help the kids grow taller because he felt bad for them. Maybe you need to know Alex to realize how touching this moment was, but he let down his rough exterior and put away his anger for a moment to talk about his love for these kids.

I was beaming. :)
YEA GOD!

Grace

Dear God,
I'm doing the best I can.
Frank
~Children's Letters to God

I kinda feel like that today- regretful looking back on where I went wrong and this past year and finally realizing just how wrong I was. Have you ever hurt someone without even realizing it? And then, once you realized the pain you've inflicted, felt so guilty for not realizing it before? Like you should have been better, even though you were trying your best?

That feeling of never being enough haunts me often. I always want to do more and be more to other people. I had this (or something like this) in my AIM profile for a long time:

I'll never
be enough
do enough
say enough
or love enough
but I know the One that is enough
and that's enough

But what does knowing the "One that is enough" mean? Well, to me that means that I know GRACE. Grace- that glorious thing that God gives us in unending amounts. Grace is a gift of another chance. At every turn we have a clean slate- all past mistakes are wiped away and we will never be known or judged for them again. At every turn, grace allows us to start again. It's the eternal "restart" button that allows us to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try all over again. All you need to do is ask for God's grace, and it's yours. GRACE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH.

I am so thankful for grace- mostly because I screw up a lot and need grace often. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." ~2Co12:9 So for every time I am weak and fail, God's grace is enough, it's sufficient.

Today I learned a new definition of grace. Grace is when you hurt a friend and they say, "let's put the past behind us because I'm over it; it's time to move on from here".

That second chance... That great forgiveness... That's GRACE, and I couldn't be more thankful for it

jumping off in the deep end

Being completely honest with people is scary- it's like jumping off into the deep end of the pool. You don't really know what the water is going to be like once you reach it. Maybe it's going to be painfully cold and biting or maybe it is going to be warm and soothing. And for that split second you are flying through the air you have no choice- you have jumped, and no matter what you are going to do, you are going to hit the water. Gravity is inescapable. Once you reach the water you can actually do something- you can enjoy it's warmth or swim for the edge of the pool if it's icy-cold. But while you are in the air there is nothing you can do except wait.

Honesty is like that- you never know what the reaction is going to be. You can put something out there- say something real and expose yourself and make yourself vulnerable- and you just have to wait until you get that reaction back just like hitting the water in the pool. Maybe the reaction is going to be good, and maybe not. Either way, it is inescapable.

JUST JUMP

Shhh.... listen (part 2)

I had a good long talk with Lisa last night (my roomie!- thanks girl) and with my roomie here at CSM (named Megan) and realized that I can't just listen- that it is time to start opening my mouth when I see things that just shouldn't be. Lately I've been questioning- when should I be tolerant and when should I stop and "tell it like it is"? When should I get angry about the way the world works and when should I stop and just accept it for what it is? When should I preach the truth and when should I let other people find it for themselves?

I think the situation probably sounds very ambiguous to you, but it's hard to know when to speak up and when to simply listen and learn for me. But above all:

seek first HIS KINGDOM
love others
and be real and authentic

I am finding that being real and authentic means not only being sincere with what I do say, but also saying what I think instead of simply being silent. (the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth)

I think I have gone far too long being scared of being truly open and honest. I struggled with that a lot when I came back last summer and learned a lot about being open and honest with people first semester this past year. But recently I've realized i've been selective about who I'm honest with- It's time to stop fronting! More is going to come about this, but I know I need to be REAL and stop bing afraid that people won't understand me, that people won't except me, or that people will reject and challenge what I believe. Jesus is my all and all and I can never be ashamed of that- I have no reason to! I know God is so so so real! How dare I deny that?

No more frontin'

Peace.love.joy to you all!

Shhhhh.... listen

What happens when you get a whole bunch of strong leaders together with a passion for what they are doing? A WHOLE lot of talking! I haven't been in an environment with so many "leaders" before, and it is so incredibly interesting to just sit back and watch how we interact with each other- and sometimes a little disturbing.

By the end of this past school year I realized I had stopped listening and started talking. As I became more passionate about things and more confident in myself, it was easy to talk all the time and not slow down enough to listen to the voices of others. I am so so so so sorry if this was you- if you ever felt like I talked more than I listened!

I realized that talking a lot and not listening was tied to pride- at least for me. I saw myself as more important than other people and my voice and ideas more worthy to be heard than that of others. As I noticed my propensity to talk growing over the course of the semester I vowed to change that habit this summer. I needed to re-learn how to listen and be patient.

So far I have nearly silenced my voice. I'm not shy or to myself, but instead use my voice to ask questions and affirm others instead of talking about myself. I stay out of any "comparing" conversations and sit back and laugh at them.

In the stillness and quietness I am learning.

(More to come)